What’s wrong with self-help people?

Have you ever heard of Anger Management? It was very popular a few years ago. One of our clients had a customer who was an anger management consultant. This consultant ran courses for people in a house miles from anywhere.

His delegates would arrive late at night. Those who travelled by train would end up in a virtually deserted station two miles from the house. There was no taxi service and no phone reception. They had to make their way along unmarked and narrow lanes and then through a field (carrying their luggage) till, if they were lucky, they reached the house.

Those who came by car would have to make their way along a pot-holed road so full of deep craters that it was almost guaranteed to generate a big repair bill. 

By the time they had risked their necks getting to the location of the anger management course, most of them were very angry at the way they had been treated.

They were then told that it was their fault that they were angry and they needed to learn how to manage their anger.

I can only imagine how angry they were to hear this.

A difficult person to deal with

It turned out that this consultant was very difficult to deal with. He seemed to incite anger wherever he went. So he encountered a world full of anger and thought people should learn to control it.

Self help consultants

My dear friend Bryan told me a similar tale recently. His client presses DVDs and CDs. The one group of people this guy hates dealing with was the ‘self-help’ consultants. Awkward, fussy, difficult, they take the biscuit.

He far prefers the small bands and groups that comprised his normal, happy customers.

Oh dear. I cringed a bit when I heard this and wondered what we had been like to deal with when we produced our CDs and DVDs. I hope we were better than this.

Are you creating your own difficult people?

It’s undeniable that there are some people who are very hard to deal with.  But it’s also undeniable that there are some people who go around creating their very own difficult people.

I gave a talk recently on how to deal with difficult people. Before the meal I met a chap who reported having to deal with many awkward and difficult souls so bad you could end up poking needles in your eyes rather than wanting to talk to them.

Within a few seconds it became obvious why he experienced these problems. The tall, tanned man with the ready smile who had been part of the conversation quickly spotted someone he really needed to talk to on the other side of the room and I was left saddled with the guy while he told me of all the dreadful people he worked with. Then he moved onto his wife.

Just in case you are wondering what this delightful chap did, the main problem was his unerring belief that he is right and love of showing others just how wrong they are.

What are you doing to cause your problems?

So here’s the key – before you go blaming others for behaving badly, always ask yourself what you could have done that may have encouraged the response you are getting.

At least 90% of the time, you’ll find that there’s another way you could approach the individual that will often give you a better response. Find out what here.